“He would come into my room at night, late if my mother was home, earlier if she was working. I’d wake up and he would be there, standing over my bed, whispering my name.” Sylvia, a schoolteacher who is in her third marriage, trembles as she recounts events that occurred almost forty years ago. “I wasn’t scared the first time,” she says. “I didn’t know what was happening, and even when I did, I didn’t understand it. I remember thinking it was just a bad dream. But it kept happening. There was nothing I could do to stop it. It wasn’t a bad dream. I know that now. But it was a nightmare that I still live with every day.”

At least once a month and sometimes as often as once a week, Sylvia’s father, a dock worker whom she describes as “a giant, a huge, powerfully built man,” sexually molested her. The incest, which involved fondling of her genitals and oral sex, began when she was six and lasted until her twelfth birthday. She never knew why it started or why it stopped. She always knew when it was about to happen, however. “I could tell by how he looked at me when I came downstairs to say good night,” she explains. “I’d go back upstairs, get into bed, and lie there, waiting, so scared, my heart pounding so loudly that you could have heard it in the next room.” Fear was only one of the painful emotions that washed over Sylvia during her father’s unwelcome visits.

“I’d go back and forth like a yo-yo,” she continues. “Sometimes it felt good. But then I would feel disgusted. I wanted to vomit, to scream, to scratch his eyes out. But I never did. It was out pf control and I was completely powerless to stop it. I was terrorized.” Eventually, young Sylvia discovered that she could “turn off my brain just totally block out my feelings and remove myself from the situation.”

That is precisely what she did each time her father molested her and what she continued to do forever afterward. In fact, Sylvia, who was forty-five when she came to us for sex therapy, completely blocked the incest from her mind, having absolutely no conscious memory of it. Then, after four months of therapy, the memories started coming back. After years of psychotherapy and participation in an incest survivors’ support group that helped her face and work through many of her emotional conflicts, Sylvia has recently begun to experience sexual desire.

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Contrary to popular belief, foods such as bread, pasta, and some baked goods are low in fat and calories. However, you have to be selective about what you add to these foods. For example, fat-laden cream-based or cheesy sauces are often added to pasta. Likewise, not all baked goods are low in fat; croissants, many sweet breads, and even some crackers are high in fat.

Look for whole-grain breads and cereals instead of refined products. Whole grains have more protein, fiber, and trace minerals such as iron, which are stored in the kernel’s bran and germ. During the refining process, the kernel’s bran and germ are removed.

If you choose whole-grain products, you will automatically increase the amount of fiber you eat. Foods high in fiber are good replacements for higher-fat food choices.

Fiber comes in two forms: soluble and insoluble. Soluble fiber is most beneficial for the health of your heart. Soluble fiber seems to regulate your body’s production and elimination of cholesterol. Good souses of soluble fiber are oat products, dried beans and peas, lentils, apples, and citrus fruits.

Insoluble fiber, because it travels through your digestive tract faster than soluble fiber, may prevent or relieve constipation. Some experts believe that because insoluble fiber moves through your body faster, it may reduce the time that potentially cancer-causing substances remain in your digestive tract. Insoluble fiber is found in whole-grain products and many fruits, vegetables, and cereals.

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Some women experience pains similar to labour pains from the seventh month onwards. These pains are known as ‘false labour pains’. If you have these pains, and they last a long time or are associated with a show of blood or water, then see your practitioner or go to the nearest hospital.

First stage

True labour pains occur in the lower abdomen and are cramp-like in nature. These pains usually last from 15 to 30 seconds and are spaced 10 to 20 minutes apart. When these pains start then the mother is in the first stage of labour.

It is common to have a ‘show’, a ‘show’ being the term used to describe the bloodstained mucous. This is followed later, especially after a labour pain, by water. This is known as the breaking of the waters. The waters, or liquor amnii, are produced by the thin lining membrane called ‘the amnion’. This fluid encases the unborn baby, protecting it from external harm. The waters are also important as they lubricate and cleanse the birth canal and help dilate the cervix.

Second stage

The second stage of labour is said to have started when the cervix is fully dilated (expanded). In this stage the contractions will occur every two to three minutes, they may even be more frequent and usually last one to two minutes.

The mother will now have a desire to bear down or push and at this stage she should be encouraged to pant, keeping her mouth open and not holding her breath.

There will be a bulging of the perineum and an increase in the flow of the bloodstained waters. Baby’s head should now be visible and be facing the mother’s anus. As the birth progresses the baby’s head will usually turn to one side.

With the next push, if all is going to plan, the most exciting experience occurs, the birth of the new baby. This newcomer to our world is wet and slippery and is still attached to the mother by the umbilical cord.

Third stage

The third stage of labour is the delivery of the placenta or afterbirth, up to 10 or more minutes after the birth of the baby. To encourage the expulsion of the placenta, the baby will be put on the mother’s breast. This breastfeeding will also help the uterus to contract and control bleeding.

The new child

The wonder of the creation of this new life will last a lifetime. Parents and relatives, after counting all the fingers and toes, are already looking closely at the baby’s ears, nose, and chin to decide which members of the family the baby takes after.

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